


to kill a hummingbird

by Anonymous



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Spoilers, Stream of Consciousness, can be read as platonic as well, prose, somewhat unrequited, the asheiji is there if u squint, yearning lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: To me, Eiji is a hummingbird. In the way his chest rises and falls, quick excitable breaths like the little wings of a hummingbird. The flush in his soft face, resulting from a quick little heartbeat, so lively and fragile and precious and beautiful.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong, Okumura Eiji/Shorter Wong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: Anonymous





	to kill a hummingbird

Eiji is like a bird. At least, that's what Ash tells me. He can even fly, he swears up and down. Something about pole-vaulting, I guess. I hope to see it one day.

  
To me, Eiji is a hummingbird. In the way his chest rises and falls, quick excitable breaths like the little wings of a hummingbird. The flush in his soft face, resulting from a quick little heartbeat, so lively and fragile and precious and _beautiful._

  
I want to protect him. The gentle scrunch in his forehead and lilt in his voice when he first scolded me for smoking, to his trembling, soft hand reaching for that same cigarette for a shared moment of closeness (His hands are so, so soft). When I hold his small, boney hands, I can feel his small, flitting pulse underneath, a life so vibrant and untainted.

  
I cup his face in my hands as he cries, and I feel as though I'm cupping a small hummingbird within my hands. He closes his eyes, a sign of trust. His long, dark eyelashes are trembling. I tentatively and carefully wipe his tears from his soft, slightly pink cheeks. I feel as if I were to hold him too hard, too much, I would

  
smother him.

  
A small hummingbird, trusting me enough to hold him whereas I could end his life in a second. I don't exactly understand, but something in my chest swells when he leans into my touch.

  
Ash loves him. I've known him for what seems like a lifetime, and how he's acted since meeting Eiji has defied all logic. I guess that's just kinda the effect the Eiji has on a person. I might feel the same. 

  
_I want to protect him_ , I think to myself every time I look at him, at him and Ash, at his smile, his doe eyes. He's smiling less and less these days, replaced more by worried and almost exasperated expressions. At least, when he thinks no one is looking. I'm the same way.

  
Fooling around like teenagers has never felt so natural, and I almost start to gain a sense of hope until it's then crushed. I

  
want to protect him.

  
The heaviest feeling is his limp weight against my side. I place my hands on his thin shoulders, careful not to cause any unnecessary harm, as if he is made of glass and hollow bones. Like a hummingbird. His soft hair tickles against my neck as I desperately try to fight back tears. It's almost domestic. I 

  
break.

  
Don't smother him, don't smother him, he's a beautiful hummingbird who has entrusted his small, fragile life to me. Even if it means letting him

  
go

  
I'll do it in a heartbeat. Just not to anyone else. 

  
He feels so small, boney frame pressing into my side as I hold him close. No one can hurt him. I'm the one who is supposed to

  
Protect him.

  
.

  
Who is this? 

  
My hands encircle small, boney wrists. The rapid, light pulse against my palms feels like the beating wings of a 

  
hummingbird. 

  
An injured, broken boy stares at me, but his dark eyes are almost calm. Forgiving. Who am I killing? I think back to doe eyes and soft sweaters and trembling hands holding a cigarette. A deep, instinctual feeling rises in me, telling me to _set him free set him free set him free_

  
But I can't remember what that means. Distantly, the voice of Eiji Okumura pleads with me, soft voice trembling between hiccups and sobs. 

  
_> I'm so glad I met you, I know you're suffering right now, but just know that I love you, Shorter, please, if it'll stop you from suffering more, just kill me, please_

  
The voice rasps from his throat. The rise and fall of his chest is like the soft and lilting movement of a hummingbird, and I can feel his entire body shaking beneath mine, I can see his face stained with tears and bruises, which I conclude don't belong on a face like his. _The face of an angel._ I check my resolve. And

  
As my vision blurs, I can see my own blood paint across his body like a work of art. His trembling frame draws me in, like a casket. I feel his rapid heartbeat, but in a way that isn't tangible anymore. Like a hummingbird, suddenly pulling me away from my own self. The last thing that I see is true beauty in the face of the boy I don't know but love all the same.

  
_Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> hi my name is annie and i don't know how to write my tumblr is @deimosatellite i just like to yell about literary analysis anyways haha was gonna illustrate a comic about this but realized im tired but I might still do it someday I just wanted to write a long dramatic metaphor bc im a sappy hoe like that anyways bye olol


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